Theology Police

I have observed three classes of people over the last few years who have taken on the responsibility of being “theological police”. They feel compelled to correct my theology and charge me as being in “grave error” as they are convinced that they hold The “God ordained” position which is above questioning or reproach.

The first class informs me that I am over-complicating matters that were never intended to be this complex. The words of God are simple, easy to understand and it’s all right there, black and white. There is no need to use original languages and the English language is God’s gift to humanity to solve all problems that would ever be faced theologically.

The second class declares that I am too unlearned and the things of which I speak are far superior to my understanding, i.e. I don’t know what I am talking about. It is made plain that I haven’t the proper credentials from “approved facilities” to undertake study of the Bible on such a sophisticated level. They are also of the opinion that I believe myself to be a scholar and are quick to point out that I am not (I have never claimed to be a scholar, nor would I, having read many a scholarly work and understanding the level of academia they have achieved). This is the group that all but accuses me of narcissism. This is also the group that most zealously maintains I am spreading a damnable, heretical lie and leading others astray, for which I will be judged by God. I’m glad God has not put the authority of judgment into this group’s hands, because I don’t think I would have a fair trial. 
The third class (and also the largest) is just not really sure why I am wrong, although they are thoroughly convinced (possibly by class two) that I am. They like to cherry pick passages from where they want to build a house of cards. When a nostrils breath comes along and topples it, they always appeal to and play the “God is a mystery” card, and “it’s not comprehensible by human minds, just accept on faith”.

Seriously, can’t people get more creative? Why don’t all of these groups get together and compare notes so they can keep their stories straight. If you ask one hundred different people about the triune nature of God, eschatology, soteriology, epistemology, ecclesiology or Christology (etc., etc.) you are bound to get one hundred different answers. A few of the people who have chided my view on the “nature” of God claimed to be of the “orthodox” persuasion, but gave me answers that align them with Sabellianism (modalism) which “orthodoxy” and even the beloved reformer John Calvin adamantly condemns as heresy. I am convinced that many don’t even know the “orthodox” position they so vehemently attempt to defend. Do I not have a duty to “critically examining the biblical texts to determine the authenticity of what they [I’ve] heard”? Acts 17:11. Just because a certain doctrine is “old” does not mean it is right. This has become the admonition of Christianity, “read your bible, pray and be a Berean, but don’t question the doctrines; only study within those parameters”. What is the point of even studying if I am confined to what has already been “decided”?